#2/21: 9 V. Important Questions for The Bachelorette

From no rose ceremonies to Irish exits, bromances to sex scandals, and Broadway music to Broadway-scale drama, this season of The Bachelorette has by far been one of the most disastrous seasons yet!

But let’s face it: even though we’ve enjoyed every wineglass-flinging, hair-pulling minute of it, there are still some v. important questions we all have:

#1 For starters, what in the world was ABC thinking in having the guys choose between two bachelorettes?!

This show is already nuts: you sign on to have 25 hot eligible bachelors, all the while being custom-outfitted in designer ball gowns, having a personal hair and makeup staff, sipping on free booze, and trotting the globe. And maybe, just maybe, you find “true love.” But of course, let’s throw in a plot twist and have two beautiful women stand while the guys step out of their limo and play a wife-her-up edition of “Hot or Not.” I digress. While I’m sure gallivanting through the Cliffs of Moher and going through a whisky tasting or two is a surefire track to “love,” Britt, honey, you still lucked out. This season is SNAFU.

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#2 IF Britt were to have been the Bachelorette of choice, would she have ended up with Brady?

While Britt dodged many a crazy bullet (cough cough, Ian) the question still stands: If Britt had been the Bachelorette, would she have still ended up with Brady? (You know, the Nashville crooner who dipped to find Britt when the guys chose Kaitlyn?) Britt was definitely the more level-headed of the two, but given the nutty nature of this show, who knows if this season would have been even crazier. We saw all the guys that had joined the club for Kaitlyn, so would there have been even more ridiculous drama? Or is that just #childsplay for dear Britt?

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#3 Speaking of children, did Shawn go through puberty?

Don’t let his 6-pack and deep voice fool you—this Ryan Gosling look-alike cries more than you did when you first watched The Notebook. It’s great that he’s open about his emotions, but seriously, dude: Do you know what you signed up for? Sure, we get it. It absolutely SUCKS to see someone you’re “falling in love with” to be macking on other guys and have insufficient quality time with her, but part of signing up to be a part of the madness that is The Bachelorette is knowing that you’re signing up for a few months of “adult” debauchery. This includes the fact that you and 24 other guys are fighting over your “Allie.“ Hang in there, Shawn. Hopefully you can keep your s*** together when you find out about Kaitlyn and Nick’s evening rendezvous. But, hey, if The Bachelorette doesn’t work out you can always be the new subject for “Hey Girl” memes.

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#4 Speaking of Kaitlyn, can everyone PLEASE calm the eff down about her?

Even though it’s by no means logical to apply real world norms to The Bachelorette (What? You don’t casually dine in historic castles for your dates?) people really need to give Kaitlyn a break. Think about it this way: Your 30-year-old pal Jane starts dating a guy she really likes and after a few dates, they end up getting intimate. You wouldn’t flip your lid over that, right?

#5 Did Ian maybe have a point?

Even though it was 100% NOT okay to insult Kaitlyn like that—namely, saying he was hoping to meet the girl who had gotten her heart broken by Chris Soules instead of the girl who wanted to get her “field plowed” by Chris Soules—Mr. Princeton graduate was, in fact, onto something. They may have taught psychic abilities up there, but perhaps not social cues.

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#6 Now that JJ’s been given the boot, will he reunite with Clint?

Again, screw Ian. He was such a pompous a**hole whose ego may be bigger than Kanye’s. If he gets the Bachelor, I’ll definitely be done. (Maybe…because we all know that would make for hella drama). But most importantly, let us not forget the bromance between Clint and JJ. I don’t know about you but I have a feeling that a Brokebachelor Mountain episode between Clint and JJ may be something for ABC to consider.

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#7 What was with all of those insensitive dates?

Sumo wrestling? Mariachi bands? Faking a death? Okay, the latter I kind of get, given it wasn’t entirely cultural appropriation. However, it was NOT such a smart move in letting poor, beautiful Ben Z. (whom we all know has that heartbreaking story of his mother’s passing) have to come up with an obituary about Kaitlyn. Nothing was more painful than watching the other guys use that opportunity to take a dig at Nick for showing up fashionably late followed by Ben Z. privately giving Kaitlyn a heartfelt spiel, saying he had had to do the same for his mother. Ai, yai, yai, yai, indeed.

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#8 Where can we get one of those magical hole-y sweaters?

You gotta hand it to the girl on her style choices, though.

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And finally, on a more serious note,

#9 Is there going to be a revamp to the Bachelorette/Bachelor franchise?

With SCOTUS’s new passing of the legalization of same-sex marriage, are they going to start including members of the LGBTQ community in the upcoming seasons?

[This article was originally published on The Odyssey Online, by yours truly, Ashley Hamati]

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